It’s actually three, and therein lies the roots of our suffering.
I’ve always found the question “do you love me?” difficult to answer. Our culture and language assume there is only one kind of love that exists between two adults (whatever their sexual orientation). But the problem is that it simply doesn’t match our physical reality.
Here is an excerpt from an article on the Economist:
Helen Fisher, a researcher at Rutgers University, and the author of a new book on love, suggests it comes in three flavours: lust, romantic love and long-term attachment. There is some overlap but, in essence, these are separate phenomena, with their own emotional and motivational systems, and accompanying chemicals.
Because they are independent, these three systems can work simultaneously—with dangerous results. As Dr Fisher explains, “you can feel deep attachment for a long-term spouse, while you feel romantic love for someone else, while you feel the sex drive in situations unrelated to either partner.” This independence means it is possible to love more than one person at a time, a situation that leads to jealousy, adultery and divorce
It’s as if we only had one word for hunger, fatigue and thirst, and worse, we actually believe they are the same thing. So we’d feel frustrated or even guilty when we still feel hungry after drinking all we can. We’d have people who get ostracized by friends and family because they’ve got all the food and drink they need and it’s wrong to catch a nap on the side.
Sounds absurd? What do you think?
